


Success or Death

by imnotanironwall



Series: Growing together [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Threats of Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 11:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11989323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotanironwall/pseuds/imnotanironwall
Summary: Sendak doesn't rank first once and it's too much for him. Shiro wants to help, but who is he to think he has the right to help Sendak?





	Success or Death

**Author's Note:**

> Both of them have organic arms. I might write the moment when Shiro will lose his arm another day. 
> 
> ((REMINDER: I'm not a native-English speaker, there might be mistakes. Please, tell me if you see some.))

Not long after the fall of the Galra Empire, dialogues within the entire Universe were open to discuss the future of those who once ruled. A council was created, reunited the heads of each planet, to debate how peace could be maintained. It was decided that one school in each solar system would open a program welcoming students from different alien species and treat them as equals. If after ten years this program appeared to be respected by all and that no major problems were reported, the doors of the Universe would be opened again and every living being could travel or move to another planet freely. 

Today, nearly a century after, the project is a success and diversity appears to be a major factor in the well-being of every society. Peace is maintained despite the usual crimes every planet knows and the only period where war can be seen is during final exams, as students do their best to rank first and show how great and smart their specie is. 

Sendak, a senior at Galaxy Garrison University, isn't an exception, he can't afford to fall behind. Despite the fall of the Empire years ago, the Galras proved their superiority in their studies. Since they were allowed to participate in the programs, nearly half a century ago, they always ranked at the top. Nothing else is expected from them and he can't be the one to bring shame upon his own kind.

“Victory or death,” he mutters to himself.

“Shouldn't it be more like knowledge or death?” a too familiar voice says next to him. Sendak doesn't need to lift his head to know who it is, but he does it anyway. His big yellow eyes meet gray ones. 

“Takashi Shirogane,” he says as an acknowledgment of the other’s presence, then turns his head towards his book in a huff. “You spend too much time with those renegades.”

The man pulls the chair in front of Sendak, on the other side of the table, and takes a seat, then puts his books down. He can feel his stare on him. 

“You know the Blade of Marmora aren't the revolutionaries from centuries ago anymore. Because they don't care as much as you about their ranks doesn't mean they are bad guys,” he sighs. He reaches across the tables for Sendak’s big and furry purple hand. “Moreover, these mottos aren't even appropriate now. No one is gonna die from being second or third. Not even you.”

Something inside Sendak snaps and he jerks his arm away from the other’s light grip. “No,” he closes his books, takes them and gets up. “You can't understand,  _ Champion _ ,” He spits the words at the man, shoots him a dirty glare and leaves the library with heavy and hurried footsteps without looking once behind him even after the other shout a loud “Sendak!” to stop him from leaving.

He doesn't want anyone to tell him he shouldn't put all his times in his own success - especially Takashi Shirogane, the human who always rank first in his major without making that much efforts. He can't bear this hypocrisy. Who is he to think he has a special right on Sendak’s well-being? 

It's true that in the last few months their relationship somewhat changed for something more… nice - he won't deny it, they didn't have a good start. But they aren't lovers. They aren't even friends. It's something in between but completely different at the same time. 

They kiss. They sometimes hold hands. They even sleep together and/or fuck eventually, it helps reduce the stress. But they never whisper sweet nothing to one another. Never go on dates. Never talk about their feelings. They never asked out or said they love the other… They don't usually care for the other’s well-being. 

Despite a few foolish public display of affection, they aren't anything but acquaintances outside of their rooms.  

Sendak drops his books on his desk and falls in his chair. He needs to study more and no one is in any position to stop him. Not even the Champion.  
  
  


The results come out a few weeks later and Sendak isn't pleased. As he sees the broad in the hallway, all he knows is that he needs to get out,  _ now _ . So he storms out of the building despite having his schedule packed with classes and heads straight to his room. Hopefully, no idiot dares to bother him on his way, his scowl probably making them back away. 

He slams his door shut once in his room and throws his books on his desk. A furious and long yell escapes him, his emotions overflowing freely behind closed doors. But it's not enough. 

His heart hammers at his chest, beating so fast it feels like it's seconds away from breaking free of his ribcage. A loud buzzing sound resonates in his ears and it deafens him. He doesn't hear nor feel himself shouting like a wild animal.

He's making a mess out of his room, the racket terrible but inexistent to him. He can't stop throwing everything in his reach against the nearest wall or the floor. His only thoughts a jumble of cries and complains. He's desperate and  _ so angry _ . So he roars at the top of his lungs until no sounds can escape his lips, until his vocal cords are sore. And suddenly his body is heavy. 

Everything aches: his hands, his legs, his head, his  _ heart _ . Any ounce of strength leaves him and he falls on his bed. Tears fill up his eyes, he fights them with all the pride left in him. He can't hear anything over the sound of his pounding heart and his failure. He squeezes his eyes shut and all he sees is disappointment and mockery.

In the end, he couldn't do it. He couldn't show how great and powerful and bright the Galra were. He is as pathetic as those guys from the Blade of Marmora, those fools, those idiots. Those  _ nobody _ . 

And now in the eye of his Emperor, his King, he is the same. A failure. A  _ nobody _ . No one worth to care about. Just another disappointment. 

Sendak wants to disappear, crawl in a hole in the ground and never get out ever again. He is a shame for his own kind, for his family, for himself. How can he face the world again with this burden on his shoulders? He can't. And so, he buries his face in his mattress and opens his mouth to scream once again, but no sound comes out. 

Along with his voice, his pride and confidence leave him with only anger and disgrace remaining deep inside his chest.  
  


He doesn't know how long he has been like this, but with a knock on his door and the smell of food filling the room, his stomach growls loudly and he finally notices how hungry he is. However, he doesn't move. He knows who just entered his room, he can recognize his scent like no other, and he is the last person he wanted to see in this state. 

So he waits. Until food is put down and his sorry ass left alone again. But it doesn't happen. Instead, his bed creaks beneath the weight of someone sitting on it and a gentle hand strokes the fur on top of his head. 

A few minutes of silence pass and the newcomer finally speaks. “I saw the results. And frankly, I didn't know if I should leave you alone or not. But I heard you didn't go to class this past two days and I couldn't bring myself to  _ not care _ .” The strokes stop for a moment then resume, this time a thumb gently brushing one of his ears. “No matter how long I thought about it, like you said, I can't understand. What is the purpose of all this? Look at your room. Everything is shattered on the ground. What is pushing you to be so angry at ranking second?”

At the mention of his results, anger fills Sendak’s guts again and he rises up from his position. He turns towards Takashi Shirogane and bares his teeth. “If you came to laugh at me, you better leave before I split your throat open, Shirogane.” His voice is croak, almost broken.

The man frowns at him. They were mean to each other in the past - even if it was more recurrent from Sendak than Shiro - but they never threatened the other. 

Shiro locks his eyes with Sendak’s. “I'm here because I want to understand and help you.” He reaches for Sendak’s wrist and tugs on it until he puts the other’s open and massive hand around his throat. “But if being second made you lose all common-sense, then do it.  _ Kill me _ .”

Something inside Sendak tells him to press his thumb on the man’s windpipe until he gasps for air and begs for his life - maybe it's some old remains of his ancestors’ blood thirst. He hesitates. Crushing Shiro would be so easy, Sendak’s hands fit perfectly around his throat like they are meant to be there. And for a second, all he wants to do is bruise the man and looks at him cry and struggle uselessly.

But Sendak lets his hand fall by his side. Whatever is calling for the dark side in him don't stand a chance against the affection and somewhat respect he has for Shiro deep inside of him. He can't hurt him, not in  _ this life _ . 

He hears a sigh escape the human’s lips, relief showing on his face. A smile appears on his mouth, small but warm, Sendak wants to kiss it fully. He doesn't.

“Do you want to eat first or are you ready to explain why you're looking like you are carrying the world’s pain on your shoulders?” Sendak looks at the bag of steaming hot food on his desk then back at Shiro. Despite the furious and loud growls of his stomach, he needs to be clear right here and right now. He doesn't want to postpone the inevitable departure of the other. The truth needs to be out sooner better than later, it will hurt less. 

His eyes fall on the blanket still on his lap. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, hoping his voice will play along until he's finished. “My family doesn't accept failure. My late grandfather was a commander of the Galra Empire and died for his Emperor. His son was the first Galra representative at the council. My father was an elite student once the program was open to our people, always in first place. I can't be the first to bring failure and shame in the family. I can't bring disappointment to my King. I'm not some half breed Galra.” He looks up at Shiro and frowns. “I would have been exiled or killed for sleeping with another race if it was still the Empire ruling today ” 

Shiro sits silently, unaware of the aching feeling in Sendak’s heart as he explains everything. He simply waits. 

“Do you understand? I can't be anything but number one. If I'm not, then,” he grits his teeth “then I'm not better than any other. I'm not worth it. I don't deserve anything and should be left behind.” He glares at Shiro. He wants him gone. He wants to be left alone like he should be right now. He doesn't need  _ help _ . It's too late. It's his burden. 

The other moves closer on the bed, extends his arm towards Sendak’s shoulder. At the motion, the Galra snarls but Shiro doesn't stop, only frowns, his face serious, and he takes a solid grip on his shoulder. Then he turns fully towards Sendak, his knee up on the bed. His eyes are determined.

“Do you see a Galra Empire somewhere?” He doesn't wait for an answer. “It fell years ago. You don't need to please your King anymore, you don't need to do your best for anyone but  _ you _ . You can do whatever you want and be with whoever you want as long as it is politically correct  _ today _ .” He sighs and sits on his legs. He slides his hand up Sendak’s neck to his cheeks and strokes the fur under his fingers, thumb rubbing the skin underneath. 

“Sendak,” he whispers the name, his eyes more tender but no less serious. “You can ask for help. You can ask for comfort. You don't have to hide your feelings and mask your insecurities with an angry behavior.” He shallows, avoid the other's gaze and blushes faintly. “You can rely on me more. I want to be there for you. I- I want to be a constant in your life, I care about you. But you need to tell me - or at least show me - that _you_ _want me_ with you.” He looks up to the Galra and lets his hand drop on his own laps, now waiting for any reactions.

The silence stretches between them and Sendak still show no sign of answering back. Shiro sighs, a small smile on his lips who doesn't quite reach his eyes. He gets up and looks back at the bag full of food on the empty desk. “I'm going then. Be sure to eat. I know you don't particularly eat human food but junk food is easy to eat. Also, it was faster to get this, so,” he shrugs. 

He looks once more at Sendak who is still looking at his lap. He puts a hand on the Galra’s cheek and leans down to kiss his fluffy forehead. “You know where to find me if you need me.” The warmth on his cheek leaves him, the door closes and soon enough Sendak is alone in his room; his things on the ground and a bag of cold junk food on his desk. 

The warmth on his cheek leaves him, the door closes and soon enough Sendak is alone in his room; his things on the ground and a bag of cold junk food on his desk. 

 

Two weeks later and Shiro is nowhere to be seen. They usually bumped into each other a lot but it didn't happen even once these past few days. Moreover, Sendak knows Shiro is on campus, he met with enough of the other's friends to know he's going to his classes and to parties as well. 

He wants Sendak to go search for him, he  _ avoids _ him even. And Sendak hates it. 

In two weeks, he had the time to understand that he  _ needs _ Shiro in his life. He  _ misses _ him.

There's no heat besides him in his bed, no grumpy groans and disheveled hair when he wakes up, no sloppy kisses and tender touches after a long day. Be it breakfast, lunch, dinner, in the library, in the corridor, in the park, in his room, he is always alone. He can't hear happy laughter, he can't see affectionate smiles, he can't feel warm skin. 

The strange but pleasant feeling he would feel deep in his chest is gone. No one texts him silly jokes or elbows him to tell stupid things read on social media. There's no drunk student on his back after a party nor any gentle hands to comb his fur. 

They didn't even see each other that much before, but he misses having Shiro around without having to run after him. And he can't shake the weird feeling in him, making him light-headed every time he thinks about the man and the fact that he likes how he makes him feel. 

Because Shiro cares, even when Sendak doesn't see it, doesn’t  _ want _ to see it. And if he wasn't such a self-centered idiot, he could have understood the confession in the man’s words the last time he saw him. 

And even without a name for his feelings yet, he knows he needs to talk with Shiro. 

 

On Friday night, Sendak knocks at Shiro's door. It's late but he knows the man isn't asleep yet. So he waits.

When the door finally opens, he's met with someone who is  _ not _ Shiro. He's a slim but tall man with brown short hair and tan skin, blue eyes and only a shirt and a boxer on. Not someone listed as Shiro's friend in the Galra’s mind. 

“Who is it?” echoes from somewhere in the room, probably the little kitchen or the bathroom. At the same time, Sendak frowns at the unknown man. “Who are you.”

The man eyes him suspiciously. “The name’s Lance. Who are  _ you _ ?” He asks, pointing his finger at Sendak and then pushing against his chest with it. Sendak’s frowns only deepens. First, there's a man half naked in Shiro’s room and now, he's asked who he  _ is _ . 

He opens his mouth to answer but someone behind Lance appears. “Sendak.” The latter turns his head towards the newcomer. He doesn't like how surprised the other looks. “Who is he, Shirogane.”

“He’s one of the students I tutor, Keith’s friend and, as you can see, mine as well now.” Sendak grits his teeth. Shiro is wearing pants, at least, but he's shirtless. He doesn't like much the ideas forming in his head as he thinks about why they are so little clothed. “How can I help you, Sendak?”

He takes a step back and puts his fists in his pockets. “I wanted to talk but you seem to have better things to do.” He can't help but spit the words with slight disappointment.

He turns to leave but a hand catches his wrist. When he looks behind him, it's the man named Lance who's stopping him. “Wait, Sendak, right? I'm leaving, it's okay. I just came here because it rained earlier when the tutoring session ended and my apartment is far away so Shiro told me to stop here because it was nearer. I was just waiting for my clothes to dry and the weather to clear.” He lets go of Sendak and turns around to fetch his things and dress up. Shiro looks at his friend once he is at the door. “Are you sure, Lance? It's late already, you could spend the night here.” 

He nods and claps his hand on Shiro's shoulder. “Don't worry, big guy. My buddy Hunk lives close by. And you have something far more important to do right now.” He points his thumb at Sendak to emphasize his words. Then he waves goodbye and hurries outside, leaving the others alone.

Shiro sighs but steps aside to let Sendak come into his room. “Enter.” The Galra doesn't wait longer and steps inside. He takes a sit on the bed and waits for Shiro to join him. The man closes the door and walks towards him but he stops in front of Sendak and crosses his arms on his chest. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Do you sleep with him?” He asks, the question burning his tongue. Shiro looks outraged for a second before he shakes his head. “No, I don't. If it's all you needed, you can go.” He seems disappointed despite his attempt to look neutral. 

Sendak looks around him and plays with his own fingers. “No, I have other questions.” He looks up at Shiro. “Shirogane, do you like me?”

A blush spreads rapidly on the man's face, his expression shifts suddenly. He looks both embarrassed and furious. “Are you trying to make fun of me? I- If-” he shakes his head again and sits on the bed, his hands on his knee. He takes a deep breath then looks right in Sendak’s eyes. “Do you really think I would have done all these things with you if I didn't like you?” He continues. “I mean, I don't repeatedly have sex with just anyone. And I did things way more intimate with you than I would with a sex friend.”

Sendak looks down at his own lap, brows furrow. “So how long did you like me?” He heard a light laugh from the other like it was some ridiculous question. “I don't know, you always attracted me. Maybe I started having feelings when you showed me your nice and cute sides.” 

He tucks at the fur on his hand, even more confused than before. If the man had like him for so long, why didn't he ever said it? Sendak wouldn't have mind, he would have probably ignored it in the beginning and maybe sometime after he would even have said it back. “Why didn't you say you liked me, then?” He asks eventually. 

Shiro takes his hands, stopping him from pulling out more fur, and squeezes them. “Galras mate for life, right? I didn't want to pressure you. I didn't want you to hate me.” He tilts his head and searches for the other’s gaze. He looks like he wants to ask something but isn't sure if it's welcomed. He asks anyway: “Sendak. Do you perhaps like me?”

He is answered with a shuddered breath, the Garla’s skin a darker purple around the cheeks. He looks at their joined hands then at Shiro. He looks curious and  _ hopeful _ . Sendak presses his lips together and squeezes the hands in his. “I don't know,” he confesses. Shiro's smile falters, Sendak doesn't want to see him sad but it's the truth. He elaborates. “I don't know what liking someone is. But I do know that the days without you aren't my favorites. Having you around is pleasant. And I-” he shallows. “I missed you.” 

He waits, his heart is beating fast in his ribcage but it's not uncomfortable. There's a bubbly feeling inside of him, it looks like happiness and he's craving to feel it more. 

“Do you want to try then, being in a relationship together?” He looks up at Shiro, eyes wide. It's an… interesting offer. Sendak turns his body completely towards the man and looks him right in the eyes. He needs to clarify a few things before they  _ try being in a relationship _ . And he also wants to think about something else, stop being flustered. He doesn't like blushing. However, if he could make the other blush by having the upper-hand again, he would greedily accept.

“Galras are possessive over their mate. If we do become a pair, you'll be mine and mine only. Forever.” Shiro kisses his knuckles and smiles at him warmly. He whispers a soft “I know”. But no, he doesn't know everything about the Galra yet. He needs to learn more things about the Galras, about Sendak and what it would be like if they were together.

Sendak smirks, pointy teeth showing. His confidence is slowly returning as he sees his potential mate willing to take a step forward in their relationship. “I'll have to mark you. This way everyone will know you're mine, you do understand?” 

Shiro nods, like being the mate of a Galra is the easiest thing on Earth when you're human. Like a scar on his pretty skin won't matter. He doesn't know what awaits him.

“Then you'll also spend my rut with me. We'll have to prepare and train you body so you won't break when the time comes.” Sendak frees one of his hand and caresses the other's neck. He's starting to have the upper hand in this conversation now that his embarrassment from his confession is fading away. Or so he thinks. 

Shiro smiles at him, puts both hands on the other’s cheeks. He presses with his thumbs on the skin, plays with the fur a little. He rises from his seated position and climbs on the Garla’s laps, pushes him a little so he has to lift his head slightly to look at Shiro. “I'm prepared. Don't think you're the only needy one, Sendak. I'll show you what a pain in the ass a human can be when the time is right. Be ready.” 

They both look at each other, a sparkle of old rivalry in the eyes, both agreeing without more words. It's settled, no one needs to wait for more. And then they kiss ferociously, touch each other with want, whisper heated but affectionate words. They obviously both miss each other and crave the other's touch. 

Within seconds they wrestle naked in the bed to make love all night, not caring about anything but pleasure. 

And before they succumb to sleep, they will kiss each other goodnight and confess their feelings once more. They still need to work on a few things, but it can wait next morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Never enough content about them w/o rape in it. 
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/imnotanironwall) / [tumblr](http://badgunter.tumblr.com/)


End file.
